


si vales valeo

by AccursedSpatula



Series: astra inclinant, sed non obligant [8]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Drinking, Eloping, Established Relationship, Frottage, Heavy Petting, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mention of Animal Sacrifice, Period-Typical Homophobia, Secret Relationship, Secret Wedding, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 09:13:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14398929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccursedSpatula/pseuds/AccursedSpatula
Summary: Ardyn blinked, a little surprised, but carefully worked the strings open, peeking inside. A moment later, Ardyn’s head snapped up, confusion on his face as he realized just what was in the pouch.“Come away with me,” Gilgamesh said.“And do what?” Ardyn said, still in disbelief. “Run off and get married like a silly girl in love?”





	si vales valeo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sordes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sordes/gifts).



> Written entirely for the lovely [sordes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sordes), who gets all my thanks for talking me down from the ledge on this.
> 
> Title from the Latin epistolary greeting meaning 'If you are well, I am well.' This fic is written under the assumption that proto-Lucis was a republic before Somnus and is also incredibly self indulgent, so tread lightly.
> 
> Thanks also to [Sauronix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sauronix), [aliatori](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliatori), and [roadsoftrial](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roadsoftrial) for your support and for listening to me rant about Ardyn.

Ardyn normally relished being a stranger in a strange land.

It was novel, really, and exciting to step beyond the walls of their kingdom, their reach, and disappear into some foreign province or city. He’d done it enough on their campaigns, snuck off from their camp and blended in among the locals, just to observe, to exist for a while without his title and legacy following him. Out there, on the streets, he was anyone, just a passerby, not bound by the chains of his lineage and culture and status, free to explore worlds similar to his yet painted with broad, marked differences.

He hadn’t been quite so lucky this time around.

Ardyn sighed, pulling himself from his thoughts, and refocused his attentions on the banker currently spinning him some sort of yarn. He reached for the wine cup he’d set on the end of the bench, finding it more empty than he remembered, trying to hide his surprise and disappointment at that revelation. Regardless, neither the banker nor his wife noticed, continuing on with his story as Ardyn took another long, healthy sip, gaze wandering around the rest of the party.

The gardens were well lit by braziers and oil lamps, staving off the warm, inky indigo embrace of night. Ardyn thought everything looked rather pleasant in the low, soft lighting, dressed up in oranges and pinks and violets, but perhaps his opinion had been more colored by the wine than reality. A chorus of insects joined the small band of musicians under the gazebo, one idly plucking at a harp, another playing some long, horizontal stringed instrument Ardyn had never seen before tonight.

Outside, the night air was warm, the breeze occasionally rustling the leaves of the fruit trees and the vines growing up the lattices, always ruffling Ardyn’s hair to the point where he had to smooth it back. It had been unbearably hot in the day, as it was day in and day out on the shores of Succarpe; a dry, crisp heat that drained Ardyn’s energy right from him, yet the nights were surprisingly pleasant.

This night marked the start of their fourth week here, on the eastern side of the peninsula, in the city of Calcano, nestled in a wide delta off a beautiful harbor. Ardyn had dispatched himself with a small envoy after hearing reports of the Scourge here, from Cartanica and Fodina Caestino. His curiosity piqued, especially with so many reports coming from so far across the sea, Ardyn set out to verify the rumors firsthand and see if the people here had any effective methods of treatment. It was a sign of political good faith as well, a gesture of outreach from their prosperous kingdom, something that reflected well on them (or so Somnus insisted─Ardyn was far more concerned with the plague than their status).

And of course Gilgamesh had come, not only to serve as Ardyn’s protector in an unfamiliar land, but also as a guide. He was native to these shores (though not to this delta), pulled into service by Somnus years before along a campaign that had launched all of their careers, but he still carried bits of his culture with him, customs and preferences, attitudes, the occasional word uttered in his native tongue, either of affection or profanity depending on context (or sometimes both, in the bedroom). He’d been somewhat eager to return to familiar territory, and Ardyn could see him itching to get out and explore and revisit the spots of his youth as they bounced about through various diplomatic meetings, their evenings spent being hosted by local nobility, who clamored at the chance to wine and dine these exotic foreigners.

Ardyn did feel rather badly about nearly ignoring Gilgamesh throughout most of their venture; normally such an opportunity, away from everyone who knew them, would have been a welcome experience, a chance to step away from the clandestine way they conducted their affair back home. And should their situations have allowed it, he would have spent weeks travelling the coasts with Gilgamesh with no purpose other than leisure and experiencing his partner’s homeland firsthand. But with the Scourge and their tour at the forefront of his mind, Ardyn had little time for personal leisure and indulgence, constantly shuffled through the day’s tasks and afternoon entertainment.

But the nights—well, the nights at least belonged to them. Ardyn made certain of that.

Whether it was sneaking through city streets in the dead of night to wander down to the bayside, standing on the pier and watching the city’s magnificent lighthouse cast its golden beam out to the dark waters, or sitting out on their balcony enjoying a haul of native fruits and local sweets that Gilgamesh had secreted away that day just to watch Ardyn sample every one, to standing reverently and watching Gilgamesh kneel and quietly pray to a bronze statue of a god that Ardyn did not recognize, in a massive, marble temple─these were the things that Ardyn would remember from his venture. Not the garden parties, nor the various members of the nobility, nor anything else designed to impress or influence him, no, it would be the quiet, stolen moments that stayed with him.

Yet things were winding to a close now, with only a handful of days left on their excursion until they were to sail back. Ardyn frowned to himself at that realization, and the banker paused in his story, until Ardyn wiped his expression clean, smiling, signaling for him to continue. He continued listening, nodding his head as appropriate, all the while scanning the remaining occupants of the party for Gilgamesh. For being such a mountain of a man, sometimes he was particularly _hard_ to find, and Ardyn’s inward frustration grew until he spotted him engaging in idle conversation with a few middle aged men─retired officers, from the look of them.

Ardyn extracted himself from the proximity of the banker and the wife, using his empty wine cup as an excuse, heading over to where the decanters sat near the fountain and the rest of the food. Along the way, he took a short detour around a curve, catching Gilgamesh’s eye for just a second. He smiled tiredly, and Gilgamesh gave a fraction of a nod in acknowledgement, before Ardyn turned and continued on.

He overfilled his cup just a bit from the decanter at the table, _a happy accident,_ he mused, taking a long, careful sip to prevent anything from spilling. Sated and supplied, Ardyn wandered over to the long, low wall that ran along the edge of the garden, peering over it at the lights of the city below. They were scattered along the dark crescent of the harbor, golden flecks thrown about the dark desert and the delta, and Ardyn was vaguely reminded of the sight of fireflies in the summer nights of his own estate.

Ardyn continued down the wall, leaving the guests behind, as he walked through the ornately shaped trees and planters and shrubbery, moving to a dark, secluded section of the garden. He stopped at the corner of the balcony, behind a wall of trellises covered with clematis and other ivy, resting his cup on the edge, fingers draped over it, as he looked out at the harbor and the ocean beyond.

He didn’t startle at the sound of footsteps; they were regular, even, and with weight to them, and Ardyn easily recognized them as Gilgamesh’s. He looked over as Gilgamesh came to stand beside him, trying to conceal his grin by lifting his glass to his lips.

“I’m surprised you didn’t take the decanter,” Gilgamesh said.

“I thought about it,” Ardyn returned. “Figured it might look a bit suspect, foreigner wandering off with a full carafe of wine. Have to keep up appearances, you know.”

Gilgamesh chuckled softly beside him, his voice deep, like thunder rolling across hills. Ardyn set his cup back down, peeking briefly over his shoulder.

“There’s no one nearby, is there?”

“Not a soul.”

“Good.” Ardyn turned, lifting himself briefly onto his toes to kiss Gilgamesh, wet and open mouthed, like he’d been dying to do all evening, fisting his hands in the front of Gilgamesh’s fine cotton tunic. They broke, Ardyn taking a tiny step back, smoothing out the wrinkles he’d left behind on Gilgamesh’s garment, Gilgamesh laying his hand over Ardyn’s own on his chest, holding it for just a second.

Ardyn let his hand drop away, turning back to the wall. “What do you think, would we survive the climb down from here?” he asked, gesturing down over the wall.

Gilgamesh shot him a questioning look.

“I’d just much rather be down there with you than trapped up here,” Ardyn said, picking up his cup once more.

“That makes two of us,” Gilgamesh said, throwing an arm over Ardyn’s shoulders, before leaning in to press a quick kiss to the side of Ardyn’s neck. The breeze picked up behind them, throwing Ardyn’s hair in disarray once more, and he brushed a handful of locks back, fixing his gaze back out over the harbor on the lighthouse.

“We’ve been out here nearly a month and I feel like the only time I get to be with you is under cover of darkness,” Ardyn mused, a hint of sadness in his voice despite his effort to keep his tone teasing. “Some sojourn this turned out to be.” Ardyn took another sip of wine, bitter, trying to wash his own words down.

He looked down as Gilgamesh laid a thick, calloused hand over his own, lightly lifting it as Gilgamesh wrapped his fingers around it. A second later something soft was pressed into Ardyn’s palm, and as Gilgamesh drew his own hand away Ardyn saw that it was a small drawstring pouch.

Ardyn blinked, a little surprised, but carefully worked the strings open, peeking inside. A moment later, Ardyn’s head snapped up, confusion on his face as he realized just what was in the pouch.

“Come away with me,” Gilgamesh said.

“And do what?” Ardyn said, still in disbelief. “Run off and get married like a silly girl in love?”

“Ardyn─”

“I appreciate the gesture, I really do, and I do love you, more than you know, but... no one would marry us. We’re both men. And,” he paused, looking up briefly, unexpected tears pricking at his eyes, “even if someone did, no one would honor that marriage.” He pulled the drawstrings shut on the pouch, holding it now with both hands, fingers subconsciously tracing the shapes of the two bronze rings inside.

Gilgamesh stepped away from the wall, turning to face Ardyn, laying his hands on Ardyn’s upper arms. “My home village is half a day’s ride away,” he said, looking down, as if afraid to meet Ardyn’s gaze now. “Among our people, two women, two men... it’s not often spoken of, but it happens enough. We use a different word for it, not quite marriage, but the point is the same.”

He sighed before continuing, and Ardyn could hear the nervousness in his voice. “And yes, you’re right, no one would honor it, which leaves us free to...” Gilgamesh didn’t need to finish his sentence. Ardyn knew what he meant, that they’d both take wives and father children someday, a necessary duty of men in their positions.

Gilgamesh gripped his arms a little tighter. “If you came with me, if we did this, it would be just for us. Our secret.”

Ardyn looked down at the pouch, kneading it, once more feeling out the two distinct shapes of the rings inside. One was wide, far wider than the other, and a little thicker─Gilgamesh’s, he knew─and the other thinner, a slightly flatter band, the ring smaller─his own. Time seemed to slow, seconds feeling like hours as Ardyn pondered what it would feel like to wear that ring on his finger every day, to carry that secret with him.

“How long have you been carrying these?”

“Longer than I should admit.” Gilgamesh broke off into a small, high laugh.

Ardyn had never seen him so _nervous_ about anything in all the years he had known him. He could feel the anxiety rolling off Gilgamesh in thick waves, sense it in the way his digits lightly dug in to the flesh of Ardyn’s arms, in the way his tongue darted out to wet his lower lip. No doubt he was afraid that Ardyn would refuse, that uptight, always-concerned-with-appearances Ardyn would say no and leave him here.

But Ardyn could never say no to this, not even if he wanted to.  

This wasn’t even a question in his mind. He’d wanted it from long before Gilgamesh pressed those rings into his hand, a fantasy he’d dig up just to bury every so often when the discussion of marriage came about.

“Well,” Ardyn said, clearing his throat, fingers worrying the fabric of the pouch, “when do we leave?”

\---

Ardyn managed to abandon his worries at the city gates.

They elected to leave at dawn the following morning. Ardyn hadn’t really slept that night, instead laying on his side and staring at the darkness, pondering the exact path the twists and turns of his life had plotted to get him here, wondering how things would have turned out had he made a different choice here and there. But any other possibility, any other reality, he reasoned, wouldn’t be his own, for better or for worse because he, himself, was just a result of those experiences brought about through those choices.

When the birds began to stir, the sky outside a warm indigo instead of the usual night black, Ardyn pulled himself from bed, throwing whatever he could into one of the large leather satchels he’d brought with on this excursion. He’d cut through the quiet halls of the estate they’d been granted by the local nobility, a rather modest, open air affair with a rather beautiful garden.

Gilgamesh was already in the stables, throwing four point saddles onto a pair of geldings. It didn’t take him long to finish tacking the horses, throwing Ardyn’s rucksack over the back of the large dapple gray. Gilgamesh’s own was a dun, black mane and black socks with a beige body, and Ardyn thought it rather suited him, matched his rather untamed look.

Ardyn felt his stomach do a little twist as he mounted the dapple, asking himself if he were _really_ doing this, really abandoning the dozen men they’d brought with them with a flimsy excuse and a promise to return in four days so he could act out some... some _fantasy._ For a moment he felt ashamed, ashamed for being so _selfish,_ especially now, especially when he had been sent here to bolster relations and search for cures to the plague that not only threatened their kingdom but others near and far, and a particular fear squeezed at his heart, trapping his breath in his ribs.

He looked at Gilgamesh, now mounted, walking his dun in a slow circle through the garden as he waited for Ardyn, concern on his face, and for a long, horrible minute Ardyn considered dropping off his dapple, grabbing his rucksack and calling the whole thing off. He should, he really should, he shouldn’t indulge himself like this, he couldn’t be so _selfish,_ not when they’d come here with─

Instead, he drew in a deep breath, looping his reins over one hand, and turned the dapple. “Lead on.”

Side by side, they wandered the dark, quiet streets of the city, passing out through the southern gate. As they moved under the wall and the ramparts, Ardyn twisted back once to look at the city, and then Gilgamesh rode through his field of vision. He was so confident in the saddle, so sure of what they were doing, the smile barely contained on his face as he made eye contact with Ardyn, that it cut away any of the lingering fears Ardyn was carrying, leaving instead only an excitement that tingled about Ardyn’s ribs and put a matching grin on his face.

The further they rode, the looser and more carefree he became, eventually riding with abandon as the sun climbed up into the sky. They travelled south, along the coast, riding through beautiful open grasslands and rocky beaches set against the backdrop of a sapphire blue ocean. Sometimes they would slow, just walking their horses along a particularly beautiful stretch, until Ardyn would spur his dapple into a gallop, Gilgamesh in pursuit as they raced one another.

They stopped twice for a short period, to let the horses rest for a bit and to get out of the saddle, sitting side by side and watching the waves crash onto the shore. There was no one around, not a soul for leagues, something that Ardyn acknowledged but hadn’t fully realized until Gilgamesh boldly took his hand as they sat next to one another. Ardyn nearly flinched, stopping himself at the last second, hesitating for a beat until he gripped Gilgamesh’s hand a bit tighter with his own.

The landscape shifted as they continued on, the sand desert and grassland yielding to more hard ground, cracked fields of dried mud and sharper cliffs lined with scrubs along the shore. The foliage changed slightly, the familiar palms still about, but now accompanied by more branched, leafy trees, the kind that shed their leaves yearly.

There was a sort of desolate beauty about this place, Ardyn felt, untouched by works of man, nature left unsullied and unblemished.

Eventually, just as Ardyn’s legs began to ache from being in the saddle, Gilgamesh gestured to a valley nestled between two foothills, the coast winding around the outer one, impossible to see from where they stood. “It’s just beyond there,” he said, and Ardyn looked up at the sun, hovering high in the sky. Midday. Half a day’s ride, just like he had been promised.

As they rode through the valley, heading down, the structures of the village─no, the _city_ ─were visible. Ardyn didn’t know what his expectation was when Gilgamesh had said _village,_ perhaps a few dozen houses laid together and a small market, but it certainly hadn’t been the bustling sprawl he saw before him, hundreds of buildings arranged around an inlet at the coast.

“I thought we were headed to your _village,_ ” Ardyn said, drawing his dapple upside Gilgamesh’s dun.

“We are,” he answered.

“It’s a little more than a _village_ , don’t you think?”

“Hardly.” Gilgamesh cocked a brow. “What, did you expect we all lived in mud huts?”

“No, I─” Ardyn rushed, his cheeks going scarlet in embarrassment. _Had he?_ “I just thought _village_ would mean something a little smaller.”

“Perhaps it’s gotten a bit bigger since I left it,” Gilgamesh said, a lighthearted smirk plastered on his face.

Ardyn reached over, pushing at Gilgamesh’s shoulder. Gilgamesh rolled with his touch, swaying slightly in the saddle in an exaggerated motion; Ardyn was nowhere near strong enough to actually move the mountain of a man.

“Mud huts,” Ardyn muttered to himself, shaking his head.

“I suppose maybe we’re not so _refined_ as you lot,” Gilgamesh teased, “but our mud huts are second to none.”

Ardyn pushed him again.

\---

Ardyn found the city quaint nonetheless.

There was bustle, certainly, but nothing like Calcano or the cities back home, lacking the sheer urgency and near chaos that one could find there at times. These seemed to be people just going about their day, not plagued and hurried by the constant worry of tomorrow.

And no one, not one soul, threw so much as a second look at Ardyn as he followed Gilgamesh through the streets.

Occasionally someone would puzzle at his hair, at that wild, red mane, usually children, no doubt curious, but quickly scared off by a friendly smile and a wave from the object of their study. Ardyn didn’t mind. Children were children, and it was still such a far cry from the gawking he would get at times in public back home.

Instead he took his time to marvel at the sights around him as they led their horses through the narrow streets. The houses were square, the architecture similar to that of Calcano, each structure composed of baked clay bricks laid together with strong mortar. While they lacked the ornate, bright splashes of paint he’d seen on pillars and walls in Calcano, instead they bore brilliant reliefs, more intricate than any he’d seen, carved with creatures Ardyn recognized from foreign myths and legends.

“Second to none, I told you,” Gilgamesh said, when Ardyn had stopped briefly to take in the facade of one in particular.

“You weren’t lying,” Ardyn said, genuine appreciation in his voice, and he saw Gilgamesh’s brows raise briefly in surprise.

After that point their route became more sinuous, more of a tour than any kind of direct path, which Ardyn suspected Gilgamesh had done after noting his interest. He didn’t mind; the houses and the city were new and pretty in their own right, the architecture a style that Ardyn couldn’t place but was quickly coming to appreciate, and the streets were easy enough to traverse, lined with clay brick and flat stone.

People really were the same, Ardyn mused, despite whatever patch of soil they hailed from. It was like viewing his own republic through a lens; everything was slightly altered, slightly shifted, but the framework of society was still there, with day to day life clearly recognizable. There were markets here, scented with different spices and laden with different goods, temples with statues Ardyn couldn’t place, town criers yelling words in a tongue he couldn’t decipher.

And of course, evidently, there were brothels.

Ardyn had tried to hold back his gape when they’d stopped before what was clearly a very _upscale_ but undoubtedly _lurid_ establishment off a secluded square, Gilgamesh taking the reins of Ardyn’s dapple and handing them off to the stable boy while a woman dressed only from the waist down beckoned them in. The building itself was large, three stories high, and well maintained, painted a soft orange-red with a pantiled roof overhanging the square, further reddened by the glow of sunset.

“Isn’t there... just an inn we could stay at?” Ardyn said, cautiously slinging his rucksack over his shoulder, glancing once at the woman at the doorway. She was beautiful, really, dark haired and olive skinned, her eyes an almond shape, colored the same warm brown that Gilgamesh’s were; it was no wonder she’d been put out here to entice in customers.

“The inns here are all brothels, Ardyn,” Gilgamesh said wryly. “And this is the nicest of them, by far.” He finished handing the reins off to the stable boy, taking his own pack before approaching Ardyn.

The woman detached herself from the wall, their intent to stay now clear, and a second later she was offering her hand to Ardyn, the numerous bangles on her wrist jingling softly with the motion.

“Don’t be rude now,” Gilgamesh said as Ardyn hesitated for a moment. Ardyn cocked a brow, threw a very flat look in Gilgamesh’s direction, and then boldly took her hand, nearly walking side by side with her as she led him inside.

She took them to a larger, surly man, one well past his prime, with a thick mustache affixed to his upper lip. He sized Ardyn up instantly, and Ardyn could sense that he thought he was easy pickings to overcharge, but the moment Gilgamesh stepped into view that smirk vanished off the man’s face.

The two of them haggled for a few minutes, in Gilgamesh’s native tongue, one full of sharp _k_ s, and a particular noise in the back of one’s throat that Ardyn could never quite imitate. It was friendly haggling, really, judging from the gestures between them and the tone of the conversation, the same kind that Ardyn had seen common to Calcano.

Instead, Ardyn used the time to peer around the foyer, noting the cluster of thick, plush couches at the back, similar to the massive stibadium Ardyn was accustomed to. These, however, were dotted with girls, all of them tanned beauties like the woman who had led him in here, clad in brightly colored, loose garments that left them with varying amounts of skin exposed. One of them, a bolder girl with a round face, gave Ardyn a slight wave, shifting forward as if to entice him.

He smiled back in a sort of reassuring fashion, the way he would at an injured patient.

Money changed hands a moment later, and then Gilgamesh was collecting Ardyn, nudging him at the shoulder to lead him away. A different girl rose from the couches to guide them away from the foyer, taking them up two flights of stairs to the top floor, before stopping at a large, wooden double door inlaid with ornate carvings.

She pushed it open, sauntering inside without a second thought, twirling around to face them as Ardyn stumbled in after Gilgamesh. Ardyn took a second to get his bearings, ignoring the girl, his gaze flitting from the large bed covered in a canopy occupying one wall, partially hidden behind a wooden screen, to the lavish couch and long wooden table beside the door out to the balcony, and then up to the windows lining the walls, ornate wood lattices carved in elegant curls with thick shutters beyond them.

He snapped back to as Gilgamesh dismissed the girl, who seemed rather confused by his polite declination, all smiles and gentleness as he gestured to the door. They exchanged a handful of words, and then she looked briefly to Ardyn, seemingly putting it together, a soft grin pulling at her plush lips before she dipped her head and left them, Gilgamesh pushing the doors closed in her wake.

Ardyn heard him do the latch a moment later, setting his rucksack down as Gilgamesh paused with his hands resting on the slat. Perturbed by the silence, Ardyn leaned slightly, trying to see Gilgamesh’s face, but his shoulders rolled with a soft snort a moment later, shaking his head in disbelief as he turned to Ardyn.

“Well, what if I wanted her to stay?” Ardyn said, playfully gesturing at the door. Gilgamesh rolled his eyes as he closed the distance between them, laying his hands just above Ardyn’s collarbone, looping stray locks of Ardyn’s messy hair between his fingers. Ardyn responded by encircling his arms around Gilgamesh’s waist, locking them over the small of his back.

“If you want to do that, we have to _agree_ on the girl,” Gilgamesh replied, and Ardyn huffed in mock indignation.

Ardyn had a sharp reply brewing on his tongue, but Gilgamesh quashed that notion with a tender, chaste kiss, slow and sweet and absolutely unhurried, Ardyn sighing against him as he shut his eyes. Gilgamesh stayed close as they parted, their noses nearly touching, and Ardyn blinked his eyes open, smiling as he reached up with one hand to push some loose strands of Gilgamesh’s long dark hair from his face.

“I can’t believe we did this,” he said, quietly, genuine awe in his voice. “Even though I’m currently standing in a... luxury brothel.” He laughed, his mirth infectious as Gilgamesh joined him a second later, dropping his hands away from Ardyn’s shoulders to curl around his back, pulling him close in a tight embrace.

Ardyn wanted him to never let go.

\---

Ardyn woke to a haze.

The events of the day prior didn’t seem _real_ ─ _how could they be? In what reality would Ardyn allow himself to run off in such a fashion?_ But his memories were sharp, and as Ardyn lay there alone with his eyes closed in the darkness and the stillness of a room he could feel wasn’t the one he’d grown used to in Calcano even without seeing it, he realized that it all _had_ happened, for better or for worse.

Slowly, ready to confront that reality, he curled tighter onto his side and blinked his eyes open, making out the dark shapes of the furniture in their room. Through the whorls of the window frames he could see the sky outside, already colored a warm purple-grey in the space just before dawn.

Gilgamesh was standing near the doors to the balcony, clad only in cream colored linen pants, and Ardyn’s anxiety had instantly eased upon seeing him. He’d sat up, Gilgamesh crossing the room to bend down and kiss him good morning, ruffling Ardyn’s already unruly hair. Ardyn had managed to stumble out of bed as Gilgamesh procured a cloth parcel tied with string, setting it on the edge of the long, narrow table beside the door for him. 

Ardyn had unwrapped the parcel as Gilgamesh pulled on his own tunic, a soft linen dyed a brilliant yellow, strong even in the low light of the room, with embroidery at the neck and down the center, beginning to wind a brilliant red sash around his waist. The bundle contained a matching set for Ardyn himself, the tunic and accompanying sash resting on top, neatly folded with the sharp white and green embroidery facing up.

“Trousers?” Ardyn had questioned, holding them up. “You really are going to make a barbarian out of me.”

“I’ve already got a mud hut picked out for us,” Gilgamesh had replied, wrapping him up in an embrace from behind.

Ardyn had put it all on regardless, shoving aside his rather petty thoughts on trousers and personal dislike of the color yellow. It all fit surprisingly well, loose enough to allow him to move without the bulk and tangle of his normal robes. Even the trousers proved to be fine (and shockingly comfortable to ride in, as Ardyn discovered). The sash gave him difficulty, but Gilgamesh was there to tie it for him, showing him just how to plait it and how the knots were done.

The outfit had earned him smiles and hushed whispers from the gaggle of girls they passed on their way out to the stable, but it was nothing malicious. Rather, they just seemed curious, eyes alight with a sort of childlike yearning. Gilgamesh had carted him away, putting one hand at the small of his back, and that had earned more whispers and a soft giggle from one of them.

They’d taken the horses and ridden out north, out of the city and into the foothills. Gilgamesh had made them stop along the way at a local herder, an older man with maybe forty goats penned outside a weathered clay brick house. He’d bought one over a friendly exchange, giving the man far more in exchange than he’d anticipated, judging by how vigorously the man thanked him after, trying to haul the stubborn goat Gilgamesh had chosen over to their horses.

Eventually Gilgamesh had just picked up the obstinate creature, carrying it over to their horses, where he bunched its legs together, front and back, and tied it behind the saddle. Ardyn had raised a brow at Gilgamesh’s choice, but Gilgamesh had responded with a wave of his hand as he mounted the dun again, one that read _trust me._

And Ardyn did, wholeheartedly.

The goat bleated the entire remainder of their way up through the foothills, apparently sensing her imminent fate. Ardyn felt a little bad for the poor thing, trying to keep his eyes off her, but her cries were difficult to ignore, twisting at his heart. He’d made sacrifices before, but those had all been for auspices, usually before battles or matters of public affair. Did this little stubborn goat deserve to die to be put upon an altar for his own selfish desires?

“How inauspicious is it if one doesn’t have a burnt offering?” he asked as they crested around one switchback, Gilgamesh riding in front of him, the goat staring directly at Ardyn with sad, gold eyes.

“Hm?”

“Is it ‘a plague beset upon husband and wife’ bad, or ‘the couple might argue once in a while’ bad?’

“Do you want to let the goat go?”

“I want to let the goat go,” Ardyn affirmed. “Is that all right? Or have I doomed us to a childless, destitute marriage of poor match?”

“We can let the goat go,” Gilgamesh said. “I was never keen on the idea of children, anyway.” He’d reached behind and patted the goat reassuringly, earning a flat bleat in response.

It was nearly midday, the sun cresting high above the foothills, when they drew up to the temple, carved into the side of one of the mountains, its entrance marked by two parallel colonnades ending in wide braziers outside. Ardyn stopped his dapple for a minute, just looking at it, taking in the sight of this rustic temple cut into the rock face, wondering just how he’d stumbled down this path to end up at this moment.

Here he was, half a world away from his birthplace, from _home,_ about to wed his very clandestine lover in a very clandestine ceremony, all on a whim.

They dismounted near one of the braziers, Gilgamesh tying up his dun while Ardyn nervously twisted the reins of his dapple. He hesitated when Gilgamesh held out his hand expectantly, clearly wanting to hitch the dapple just like the dun, Ardyn shifting his weight from foot to foot for a moment before handing them over.

“Do you still... want to do this?” Gilgamesh asked as he fastened the reins to the brazier, Ardyn staring absentmindedly off into the distance, looking over the foothills to the coast, a thin blue strip at the horizon.

“I do,” he answered, rushed, trying to inject some confidence in his voice. “It’s just...”

How did he even begin to articulate this? How to put into words the feeling of thirty odd years of wishing and longing, of wishful thinking and illustrious fantasies that were always chased by shame and chastisement and ugly waves of self-hatred?

Suddenly Gilgamesh was in front of him, two broad hands on his shoulders, soothingly rubbing his upper arms, grounding Ardyn and preventing him from being swept away by his thoughts.

“I just never thought I’d get to marry someone I loved,” Ardyn said simply, almost in disbelief, breaking off into self-conscious laughter before the last syllable even left his lips, shaking his head slowly from side to side.

Gilgamesh squeezed his arms a little harder, his brows pushed together in sympathy, and Ardyn could see his exact feelings and sentiments reflected in his eyes even as Gilgamesh dropped his gaze away from Ardyn’s face.

“I as well,” he said, three little words that were absolutely no surprise to Ardyn.

“I suppose we might as well remedy that, then,” Ardyn replied, lighthearted, a smile on his face as he reached up to loop a thick lock of Gilgamesh’s wild black hair behind his ear.

\---

_What did the Astrals truly think of their mortal affairs?_

Though divine, they were fickle, Ardyn knew; they fell in love, they fought, they mourned. Even death held sway over them. Surely beings subject to those emotions and forces must not have viewed man and his efforts as futile, evanescent scratches in the dirt.

He stood before the towering statue of Eos, the mother, in the cella of the temple. She should have been imposing, by all accounts, towering above him as she did, but instead she seemed rather protective, almost comforting, not looking down on him as inferior but rather gazing out in affection.

Standing here, Ardyn felt blessed, not condemned.

Gilgamesh stood nearby at the back of the cella, speaking to the revered mother, the head priestess of this temple, a small, hardy woman with dark skin like tanned, worn leather, and eyes that shone like polished jet. She listened intently, nodding as Gilgamesh spoke to her, until she set her gaze on Ardyn, shuffling across the stone floor of the temple to him, Gilgamesh in tow.

Ardyn looked over as they approached, a slight pang of fear running through him, wondering if they would be turned away now, after all this.

“She wants to know if we have a witness,” Gilgamesh said.

“Well, we have the goat,” Ardyn responded. Gilgamesh snorted heartily, before turning to the priestess and saying something. The mother laughed, waving her hand in a mock fashion, looking to Ardyn with amusement in her eyes. Ardyn smiled in return, shifting his attention from her to Gilgamesh, his confident grin turning almost sheepish and shy as their gazes met.

“I told her about the rings,” Gilgamesh said. “She knew of it; they do it in Calcano, also.” He reached into the sash tied at his belt, procuring the velvet pouch with the rings from where it had been cleverly tucked inside. He undid the drawstring, dipping a finger into the bag before curling his hand into a fist, holding it out to Ardyn.

Ardyn supinated his own hand, held out his palm, and Gilgamesh deposited one of the rings into it, and Ardyn realized he was seeing it for the first time. It was the larger one, a dark bronze, with a flattened, solid face that bore an intricate diamond shape cut into it, with raised, swirling roots curling around the band. The style of decoration was unique, more akin to what Ardyn had seen out here than to anything he’d find in the republic, though the overall shape, with its flattened head, was familiar to him. The ring was a sort of meet-in-the-middle of their cultures, he realized, just like this was, just like their relationship was.

He curled his fingers around the ring, not trusting himself to tuck it into his sash the way Gilgamesh had, instead choosing to carry it in his hand like a little treasure.

They did end up with a sacrifice, one of the doves from the aviary after Gilgamesh had explained the situation with the goat, the mother patting Ardyn’s arm with a soft smile before saying something to Gilgamesh that had made him look very affectionately at Ardyn. Although Ardyn had again lightly protested to Gilgamesh once more, he hadn’t pushed against the mother’s insistence as she carried the dove from the cages to an altar. The auspices were good, she told them, so Ardyn had just silently thanked the dove and hoped her words were true.

After the signs had been read, he had gone to stand beside Gilgamesh at the edge of a large dais in an alcove to Shiva and Ifrit (or so Ardyn could only assume, known by whatever names Gilgamesh’s tongue had bestowed upon them). They traded nervous little glances and half-smiles, heart hammering in his chest as he waited for the mother.

She returned from cleaning the offering with a narrow, long, brilliantly embroidered sash looped in one hand, a brilliant orange with gold and maroon patterned onto it in an intricate, fractal design. Kneeling before the idols in the alcove, she laid the sash out before her before pressing her head to the stone, taking a long moment to pray before them.

The mother turned to them when finished, tucking the sash into the draw of her own robes before shuffling back over to where they waited at the edge. She addressed both of them, but looked to Gilgamesh to translate, and Ardyn wished he’d picked up more of Gilgamesh’s mother tongue than just the occasional word.

But it didn’t seem to matter, as Ardyn simply mirrored Gilgamesh, turning to face him and interlocking their fingers as he listened to the mother read rites over them. In a way it was soothing, not being able to understand just what the words were and only grasping the sentiment, because it left Ardyn free to word his own vows, to dwell on his own rites.

Idly, he ran his thumb over Gilgamesh’s rough fingers, sifting through an extensive collection of memories shared with this man, remembering countless good times, both small and large, from riding through the plains of Duscae together, wild and reckless and free, to lazing about in the triclinium after the solstice festival with only the other for company, too sated to move, to lying in bed together while the first rains of summer pounded down outside.

Of course Ardyn would pledge his devotion, his life to this man. No one had ever made Ardyn feel this way, and he doubted that anyone else ever could.

There was no one else that Ardyn would rather belong to.

He was yanked from his memories as Gilgamesh pulled one of his hands away, reaching into his sash once more. Ardyn watched intently as he came away with the other bronze ring pinched between forefinger and thumb, shaking ever so slightly in nervousness.

Gilgamesh took Ardyn’s left hand, hesitating for a moment, ring held at the ready, and Ardyn splayed his fingers out, unable to keep the smile off his face. Gilgamesh stole a glance at his face as he slid the ring on to Ardyn’s fourth finger, smoothly, until it rested securely in place near his last knuckle, Gilgamesh giving his hand a soft squeeze before he pulled away.

Ardyn stared at his ring for a brief second, looking at it for the first time. It matched Gilgamesh’s in shape and color, with a flat head that bore a similar diamond pattern cut into it, but winding around the ring were not roots, but laurel leaves, a symbol of doctors and medicine. Ardyn thought it was perfect.

Pulling the ring from where it had been curled in his right palm, Ardyn reached for Gilgamesh’s left hand, large and rough next to his own, marked by thick calluses and a scar between his forefinger and thumb. Trying to contain his own tremors of excitement, Ardyn eased the ring down Gilgamesh’s fourth finger, leaving it snugly near his knuckle. Inwardly, he was surprised at how easy it was─he’d always built this moment up in his head, but here it was, just a simple gesture between them.

This was what it really came down to, all of it,  a simple exchange that spoke hidden volumes.

Afterwards, they repeated vows to one another, short and simple, Ardyn doing his best with the pronunciation and inflection, feeling himself trip over words regardless of how careful he tried to be, his nervousness getting the better of him. But it didn’t seem to matter; Gilgamesh’s smile never faltered nor broke.

Ardyn had assumed they were done after the rings had been exchanged, but afterwards Gilgamesh firmly took Ardyn’s right hand in his left, holding them up, almost as if on display. “We don’t have a witness,” he offered at Ardyn’s raised brow, a little sheepishly.

 _But we had the goat,_ Ardyn almost said, his mouth open, the first syllables of his witty reply forming on his tongue when the mother pulled the sash from her belt, smoothing it out between her hands. Ardyn fell silent as she wound the sash over their hands, once, then back over, firmly securing them together before pulling it off in a knot─

─tying them together, binding them to one another, one final symbolic gesture of their coming together.

There were more vows, and then the mother left them in the alcove, Ardyn unsure of just what to do, staring instead at the idol of Shiva’s face. It was Gilgamesh who reached for the knot in the sash, slipping his fingers under it and tugging it loose, before working the loops open enough to slide their hands free.

Gilgamesh released his hand a second later, focused on smoothing out the sash before folding it in two and holding it in one hand. Ardyn stood beside him, both of them now staring at the idols in the alcove. They were hardly the reflection of this ideal couple, but Ardyn could hardly bring himself to care; he’d come to realize a while ago that he would rather take this man at his side in lieu of any farce at normalcy.

Carefully, he brushed his fingers against Gilgamesh’s, tangling them together without grasping his hand. Gilgamesh looked over at him, curious, seemingly a bit emotionally wrought from the day’s events.

“Would it be sacrilege if I kissed you here?” Ardyn asked, entwining their fingers a bit further. “We are married now, after all.”

Gilgamesh snorted in laughter, grinning as he leaned over and chastely pressed his lips to Ardyn’s. They stood there together for a bit, neither saying a word, hands thrown around the other’s waist in a casual embrace, just swaying slightly and letting the time pass.

\---

Ardyn’s heart had never quite felt so light in his life.

As they rode off into the afternoon, he couldn’t remember a single worry, a single reservation he’d had about this venture. Any objection he’d had now felt so stupid in hindsight, all of his normal petty anxieties and attempts to sabotage himself stripped away every time he looked down at the ring on his finger, and any consequence he might face seemed insignificant to how _complete_ he felt now.

Even if this were just their secret, it didn’t change the magnitude of what they’d done, of what Gilgamesh had pledged to him and what he’d promised back. In fact, in Ardyn’s eyes, it gave it more merit and weight, because they’d done it all fully aware that no one else would ever know of these promises, but committed to it anyway.

It was wonderfully surreal, looking at Gilgamesh as he rode on his dun, and knowing that this man loved Ardyn enough to secret him away and wed him in private, that he’d wanted to do this for quite some time, that he saw something in Ardyn that he wanted to keep forever. Ardyn knew that Gilgamesh loved him, but he’d never realized how _much,_ something he felt rather foolish about in hindsight.

They returned the goat to the shepherd, who had in turn tried to return Gilgamesh’s money, but Gilgamesh had insisted he keep it, firmly pressing the coins back into the man’s hands and curling his fingers around them. Ardyn had shared a look with the goat as Gilgamesh mounted the dun once more, and then they were off, riding through the canyon as the sun dipped below the mountains, dousing the entire landscape with a fine golden glow.

It was well into evening by the time they returned to the brothel, handing their horses off to the stable boy. Ardyn had been tingling with anticipation since they left the shepherd, eager to be behind closed doors with this man he was now _married_ to, this man he now _belonged_ to, this man who was now equally _his._

The girls downstairs had been preoccupied with a rowdy band downstairs, a group no doubt fresh off some ship and eager for company. Ardyn and Gilgamesh had slipped quietly by, heading up the stairs, Gilgamesh taking his hand as they walked down the last hallway.

He hesitated at the door for a moment, shooting Ardyn a wry glance, and Ardyn knew just what was on his mind.

“I can’t carry you,” Ardyn shot back, shooting down the idea, both of them still smiling about it, “and don’t even think about picking me up.”

With that, he wriggled past Gilgamesh, pushing the door open, turning and backing inside, leading his partner by the hand. He released him after a second, finding one of the oil lamps near the bed, lighting it with a small tongue of flame summoned with a snap of his fingers. Gilgamesh turned and closed the door behind them, while Ardyn lit the other oil lamp near the balcony door, and then turned back to face him.

Gilgamesh drew in close, settling his hands at Ardyn’s waist while Ardyn reached up to place his palms on either side of Gilgamesh’s face, the door clicking closed in the background. Around them the room was quiet and still, the flames of the oil lamps fluttering softly in the breeze from the open window lattices. Outside the sky was a deep indigo, the last orange and pink licks of sunlight splashed down in the west.

For a long beat they stayed locked like that, faces hovering inches from one another, breath mixing in the space between them, Ardyn’s little touches dancing over Gilgamesh’s face and neck as broad, rough hands boldly mapped out the small of his back. It was almost a standoff between them, a dare to see who would break first and take what they wanted, and Ardyn’s self-control was crumbling further by the second─

He blinked, and Gilgamesh had pushed him back to the table against the wall, pressing flush to him to make his intent clear. Ardyn groaned, spreading his legs so Gilgamesh could stand between them, leaning on the table for some leverage. In another moment Gilgamesh’s lips were on him, their kiss wet and messy and open mouthed, Gilgamesh’s tongue sliding past his own. Ardyn moaned into their embrace, Gilgamesh greedily swallowing down the sound, silencing Ardyn by plundering his mouth.

Ardyn responded by reaching for the sash around Gilgamesh’s waist, quickly tugging it open and letting it drift to the floor. His hands moved on to rucking up Gilgamesh’s shirt to slip beneath it, fingertips tracing the familiar shapes of the muscles over his sides and stomach, his skin nearly burning to the touch.

Gilgamesh nearly growled at that first touch, stepping back slightly to give himself room to maneuver before he reached his arms behind him, pulling his shirt up at the back to slip it over his head and shoulders. The shirt joined the sash on the floor a moment later in an unceremonious heap, and then Ardyn was graced with the sight of Gilgamesh’s bare torso, all sculpted muscle and tan skin accented with the occasional scar and a dusting of coarse, dark hair. Ardyn felt his pulse quicken further as Gilgamesh settled his gaze on him, dark and hungry, his pupils blown wide with lust, giving Ardyn just a second’s warning before he stepped back in.

Those lips were suddenly back on him, teeth grazing the column of Ardyn’s throat between wet, slow kisses, Ardyn sighing and tipping his head back to bare more of his neck. Leisurely, Ardyn worked his hands up Gilgamesh’s torso, from his waist up over his ribs to his shoulders, just appreciating, light, teasing touches over territory that was oh so familiar to him.

He could feel Gilgamesh busying himself with working open his own sash, tugs here and there on his shirt, and then the last knot was open, the sash going slack before Gilgamesh pulled it free, letting it tumble to the floor off Ardyn’s side. Ardyn went pliant as Gilgamesh hauled his shirt up, lifting his arms so that he could work it completely off, Gilgamesh holding it for just a moment, giving Ardyn a long, appreciative once over before releasing his grip on the garment and sending it to join the others.

Gilgamesh drew in close again, settling his hands on Ardyn’s waist and pulling their hips together as Ardyn laid his own over Gilgamesh’s collarbones, their faces close, foreheads nearly touching as they both looked down at the space between them. Sighing, Gilgamesh leaned down to kiss along Ardyn’s jaw, Ardyn tilting his head to give him better access. He rolled his hips forward as Gilgamesh’s hands sank further, cupping his ass and giving it an appreciative squeeze, and Ardyn could feel the length of Gilgamesh’s cock pressing against the inside of his though through the thin linen of his trousers, already excited from just the little bit of petting they’d been doing.

Using one hand to nudge Gilgamesh from his jaw, Ardyn leaned forward and kissed him, taking charge of this round, licking fervently into Gilgamesh’s mouth. His hands fumbled with the draws to those linen trousers, blindly picking the knots open to the point where he could slip his hands in the waistband and ease them down, tugging them over Gilgamesh’s hips. Ardyn broke their kiss for a moment to look down, reaching for Gilgamesh’s cock, freeing it from where it remained stuck in the waistband of his trousers.

Gilgamesh groaned softly at the contact, fingers digging into Ardyn’s ass as he clutched at him, breaking off into a shaky sigh as Ardyn curled his fingers around the base of his cock, lightly stroking him. He was stiff already, cock rising proudly from a patch of dark curls that trailed up his stomach, the head wet and red but still half-covered by his foreskin, and Ardyn teasingly ran his thumb over the head, flicking the slit, enjoying how Gilgamesh’s cock _twitched_ in his grasp.

The hands on Ardyn’s backside slid up briefly to dip beneath the waist of his trousers, pushing them down over the curve of his ass, calloused fingertips now skirting over his bare skin. Ardyn inhaled sharply at the contact, his own cock throbbing between his legs, stiff and now beginning to strain against the confines of his pants. Gilgamesh kissed him again, languidly sliding his tongue against Ardyn’s, the hands on his ass trailing along his waistband to work it down over his cock, freeing his erection.

Ardyn arched his back, pressing his chest to Gilgamesh’s, craving more of that skin to skin contact. They surged together for a moment, Ardyn moaning as his cock slid against the hard muscles of Gilgamesh’s stomach, trapped between their bodies. The friction was wonderful, sending shocks of pleasure running through his thighs, Ardyn trying to buck his hips up in search of more of it, pushing himself on his toes for leverage.

He glanced down between them, at his hand loosely curled around Gilgamesh’s thick cock, his own straining in the air, their skin dotted with sweat, glistening in the low light of the room. Ardyn let out a muffled, needy noise as Gilgamesh wrapped stocky fingers around his own cock, giving him a few slow, teasing pulls as Ardyn fidgeted in his grasp. In another second he was panting softly, jerking his hips in time with Gilgamesh’s hand with no real rhythm, a haphazard search for pleasure and touch.

Gilgamesh mirrored him, pushing his own hips into Ardyn’s, sliding against him, and Ardyn shifted his grip, pushing their cocks alongside one another, his free hand gliding up to rest at the side of Gilgamesh’s neck, thumb sitting on his pulse point. Gilgamesh shifted his hand to join Ardyn’s own, squeezing their cocks together as Ardyn thrust his hips against Gilgamesh in a slow grind.

It took Ardyn a few moments to hammer out a rhythm, bracing himself slightly to get better leverage, but soon he’d evened out, with Gilgamesh moving counter to him, their cocks sliding past one another in their combined grip. Ardyn found it oddly intimate, the two of them pressed together like this, rubbing off against one another, tangled up in a shared search for pleasure.

They traded long strings of kisses as they rutted against one another, broken up by gasps and grunts of excitement, their rhythm growing steadily more and more uneven as they were swept further and further under by the current of desire. Ardyn’s skin tingled and prickled, his knees going weak every time pleasure would jolt through him, his heart raced in his chest and he could feel Gilgamesh’s pulse flutter under his thumb. Soon he couldn’t keep the moans in, little half-choked noises of lust forced out of him with each and every roll of Gilgamesh’s hips against his own.

Ardyn’s cock throbbed between his legs, so hard it bordered on painful and drooling profusely, and their rhythm picked up with each thrust, until it was a messy, uneven scramble between them. Gilgamesh was rocking his hips back against Ardyn with the same fevered urgency, his skin flushed, low moans growing needier and needier, and seeing his lover so undone in pursuit was the extra little bit that pushed Ardyn into his orgasm.

He shuddered, sucking in a choppy breath, his cock jerking in their hold, finish spilling over their fingers in several hot, short spurts, Ardyn locking his knees as the waves of pleasure coursed through him. Gilgamesh was right behind him, holding Ardyn steady as he finished thrusting against him, squeezing their cocks just a hair tighter in pursuit of that last needed bit of friction. Ardyn could feel his cock twitch, watched him spill and paint their fingers with his own finish, the muscles in his stomach tensing and relaxing.

Their afterglow lasted a good long moment, Ardyn coming down from his high as he traded soft kisses with Gilgamesh, slowly pumping their cocks to draw any last, lingering bits of pleasure from them. Eventually the touch was too much, and Ardyn released them, his fingers sticky and coated with their finish.

Gilgamesh made to step away, but Ardyn instead held him fast by the hand at his neck, holding him there while he settled himself on top of the table, his back pressed flush to the wall. Beckoning Gilgamesh back to him, Ardyn splayed his legs out a bit wider as Gilgamesh stepped up to the edge of the table, closing the miniscule gap between them once more.

In an almost reticent fashion, Ardyn hooked his thumbs in his waistband and slowly began to push his trousers off. Gilgamesh’s hands settled at his hips while Ardyn worked his pants down his thighs, lovingly stroking each inch of skin he uncovered, his fingers drawing hot little nothings over Ardyn’s skin. He turned to the side briefly to let Ardyn shuck his boots off and get his pants over his knees, the linen trousers dropping off his calves to the floor a second later.

Ardyn drew his legs towards his shoulders as Gilgamesh leaned back in, gripping one of his thighs at the back of his knee, Gilgamesh holding the other in the same fashion. Their gazes met for a beat, all silent affection and appreciation, a grin tugging at Ardyn’s lips when he saw the warmth in Gilgamesh’s eyes.

He tilted his head back, asking for a kiss, and was rewarded appropriately with a languid, slow brush of their lips, Gilgamesh nuzzling into his neck when they parted, sighing into his skin. Heart fluttering nervously in his chest, Ardyn slid his free hand down his stomach, over his hip and past his cock, settling between his spread legs. Gilgamesh pulled back slightly, looking at the space between them before stealing a glance at Ardyn’s face, searching for any silent protest before he proceeded.

But Ardyn just smirked slightly in response to his unspoken question, pressing the tip of his middle finger to his hole and rubbing slightly, eyes falling shut as he focused on the sensation. He let out a little rush of breath as he summoned slick onto his fingers, cursing softly under his breath as he continued to massage little circles against his skin, trying to work himself up to penetration.

He could hear Gilgamesh’s ragged breathing beside him, felt the soothing touch of a broad, warm hand on his side, the sound prompting Ardyn to pry his eyes back open out of curiosity. Gilgamesh was staring down at him, his grip on Ardyn’s thigh like iron, unforgiving in his excitement, color in his cheeks, his eyes lowered, pupils blown wide, little black pools of desire. Keeping his eyes locked on Gilgamesh, Ardyn pushed the tip of his finger inside himself, grunting softly at the intrusion.

He wasn’t used to penetration─they’d never made love like this, rarely even engaged in this sort of play at all. On a few occasions, alone in the quiet of his rooms and missing a touch denied to him either by distance or duty, Ardyn had slicked his fingers up and pushed them inside himself, wondering just what it would feel like to be taken in such a fashion, joined with Gilgamesh inside him.

Carefully, he eased his finger deeper in tight little motions, up to the second knuckle. The sensation was still odd, still foreign, but not entirely unpleasant, Ardyn beginning to work his finger in and out in a slow rhythm. Gilgamesh was utterly captivated by the sight, his gaze flitting between Ardyn’s face and his hand between his legs, and Ardyn felt a rush at being desired so, filthy yet an odd boost to his confidence.

Emboldened, Ardyn pushed his finger in all the way, to the last knuckle, moaning, leaning his head back against the wall to stare at Gilgamesh through half-lidded eyes. Gilgamesh inhaled sharply in response, his finger shifting over from Ardyn’s side over his stomach to dip between his legs, pressing gently alongside Ardyn’s own at his hole. Ardyn gasped, genuinely surprised, biting his lip and breaking off into a soft groan, brows pushed together as unexpected pleasure flashed through him, trailing down his spine to settle low in his stomach.

Their gazes met as Ardyn drew his digit out, brushing Gilgamesh’s hand and summoning more slick for his thick fingers, and then one of Gilgamesh’s blunt, fat fingertips was pushing at his entrance. Ardyn worried the inside corner of his mouth as Gilgamesh slid his finger in, smoothly, pushing deep inside him before eagerly starting to fuck him on it, Ardyn’s stomach dropping in novel excitement.

Gilgmesh leaned in to kiss him, leisurely slipping his tongue into Ardyn’s mouth, mimicking the actions of his finger down below. He drank down Ardyn’s shocked little gasp and moan at the press of a second finger, easing into him, stretching him further, Ardyn nervously squeezing his own thigh. It didn’t hurt, but he felt so open and exposed, vulnerable under his partner’s stare, although Gilgamesh was clearly aroused by what he saw.

Ardyn felt his own cock stiffen as Gilgamesh slowly fucked him on two fingers, his blood running south, although he avoided touching himself just yet, instead keeping his hand beside Gilgamesh’s where those fingers plunged into him. Soon he was panting into Gilgamesh’s open mouthed kisses, his skin hot, body relaxing as those fingers fucked deeper and deeper into him.

He sighed at the tentative touch of a third fingertip, rolling his hips as much as he could, pulling his thighs just a hair wider, encouraging Gilgamesh to push it in beside the others. His two fingers drew completely out for a moment, replaced by three, hesitating just for a moment before Gilgamesh worked them in, swallowing Ardyn’s wet, choked moan. This was all so different from the exploratory touches he’d tried before, so charged, each touch electric rather than awkward.

Gilgamesh’s fingers drove into him steadily for a few moments, letting Ardyn further adjust to the stretch and the feeling, and then he pushed them in deep, as deep as he could, pressing up as he drew them out, as if searching for something, lips parted in concentration. Ardyn opened his mouth to ask _what_ when arousal bolted through him, hot and raw, shooting down his thighs and up his spine, his cock twitching on his stomach. He made a little noise of surprise, thigh trembling in his grip, and then Gilgamesh was kissing him, a grin plastered on his own lips, clearly pleased with himself.

“Good?” he asked, and Ardyn nodded weakly, Gilgamesh pushing his fingers against that spot once more. Ardyn closed his eyes, tension bleeding out of his muscles, forced out by the tendrils of desire running through him each time Gilgamesh brushed against that spot. His cock was leaking on his stomach, jolted each time a wave hit him, Adyn rhythmically squeezing his thigh where he held it at the knee, his other hand tracing the rim of stretched hole.

Content, Ardyn continued let Gilgamesh tease him, savoring those little flashes, listening to Gilgamesh’s ragged panting. Curiously, he shifted the hand between his legs, seeking out Gilgamesh’s cock, finding him _hard,_ his cock dark red and swollen. Ardyn curled his fingers around the shaft, stroking him experimentally, Gilgamesh’s hips bucking into his grip as he hissed and cursed above him.

Ardyn was distracted from his task by the press of a fourth finger at his rim, eagerly pushed in with the rest before he had time to protest. Shaking, Ardyn moaned, shutting his eyes and leaning forward, his forehead resting at the juncture of Gilgamesh’s neck and shoulder. With four he felt stretched so wide, obscenely so, ignoring the burn as Gilgamesh urged his fingers in to the last knuckle.

For a minute the room was filled with the Ardyn’s grunts and groans and Gilgamesh’s excited, heavy breathing laced over the wet sounds of Gilgamesh fucking him on his fingers. They kissed again, Gilgamesh shoving his fingers in deep and holding them there as they broke, Ardyn staring down at himself, at his parted thighs, spread obscenely and held open, at his hard, red cock laying against his stomach, drooling a little puddle, at Gilgamesh’s broad hand, fingers disappearing into his body. He made a wet, needy little noise, squeezing Gilgamesh’s cock a bit harder, a signal that he was _ready_.

Gilgamesh withdrew his fingers, and Ardyn tried to ignore the odd sense of emptiness he now felt while he slicked up Gilgamesh’s cock. As Gilgamesh gripped the base of his cock, Ardyn pressed the head to his hole, feeling himself twitch in anticipation, flushing hotly out of embarrassment for how desperate he must look. But Gilgamesh didn’t seem to notice, too busy instead running the head of his cock over Ardyn’s hole, up and down the cleft of his ass, occasionally catching on his rim.

Ardyn pulled his thigh in closer to his shoulder, spreading his legs just a hair wider, laying his free hand over Gilgamesh’s shoulder to reel him in at the torso. Sensing his urgency, Gilgamesh steadied his cock and slowly pushed forward, the head slowly breaching Ardyn’s hole, stretching him just like those fingers had done. Ardyn let out a high, breathy moan, shutting his eyes for a brief moment before prying them open to watch Gilgamesh’s thick cock sink into his body.

As the head slipped inside, Gilgamesh built a steady rhythm of small thrusts, rocking his hips forward and slowly easing his cock in deeper with each one, Ardyn watching him with an almost drunken expression on his face, still holding his legs open. He felt a little shiver run through him when their hips met, Gilgamesh’s hipbones pressed flush against his ass, his cock fully seated in Ardyn.

Ardyn took a moment to savor the novelty of it all, the thick cock buried in him, joining him so intimately with his partner, before curling his hand at the base of Gilgamesh’s skull, encouraging him to lean down for a kiss. As they embraced, Gilgamesh let go of Ardyn’s thigh, his hands instead coming to rest on Ardyn’s ass, fingers digging into the meat of his asscheeks. Reflexively, Ardyn wrapped his legs around Gilgamesh’s torso, heels at the small of his back.

He startled when Gilgamesh picked him up, hands gripping under his ass, Ardyn clinging to Gilgamesh’s neck and shoulders for support. He was always aware of just how big and strong Gilgamesh was,  a veritable wall of muscle, capable of overwhelming Ardyn despite his own size (which wasn’t something easily disregarded), yet sometimes even Ardyn underestimated his strength. Gilgamesh held him as though he weighed nothing, shifting Ardyn slightly to the side before pressing him into the wall and anchoring him there.

With Ardyn held in place, Gilgamesh drew his hips back and thrust upwards in one even stroke, Ardyn keening as his cock drove against that _spot_ inside him, fingers tangling in Gilgamesh’s dark, unruly hair as he tried to muffle himself.

“We’re in a whorehouse, don’t forget,” Gilgamesh teased, thrusting in again.

“I know,” Ardyn ground out, biting back another whine.

“So let me hear you.” Gilgamesh grinned, cockily, as he continued thrusting, rough, jerky motions, trying to set a pattern while keeping hold of Ardyn. “Is it good?”

“Yes,” Ardyn replied breathily, slipping into a groan, one that he exaggerated in light of Gilgamesh’s request.

Ardyn began to move with him, using his arms and legs for leverage, tensing his stomach to lift himself in time with each roll of Gilgamesh’s hips before using his weight to sink himself further down on the cock driving up into him. Together, they figured out a rhythm, slow enough to savor what was happening between them, each thrust deliberate and deep, Gilgamesh’s hands squeezing Ardyn’s hips so hard he wondered if they would leave bruises.

It was all a little surreal, being fucked up _against a wall,_ held there like he were paper, thighs shaking as he tried to hold on. All of it felt good in a way Ardyn wasn’t used to, a foreign tension building in his lower stomach, with little grunts and whines spilling from his lips as Gilgamesh picked up the pace, pistoning his hips up in a looser, faster fashion, the sharp slap of skin against skin filling the air.

Pulling one of his hands from Gilgamesh’s neck, Ardyn reached down between their bodies, grasping his own cock and tugging lightly. With a growl Gilgamesh pushed him further into the wall, shifting Ardyn’s weight slightly so that he could slide one hand off his ass and slip it under Ardyn’s, taking a firm grip on his cock.

Ardyn met his gaze, Gilgamesh’s expression naked want and affection, his brow drawn in concentration to keep up with his movements, jaw set, but his eyes were full to the brim of a soft sort of wonder. Ardyn kissed him, again, slow and sweet and tender, before twisting softly in his arms, arching his back as Gilgamesh continued to stroke his cock. Gilgamesh’s cock inside him shifted, pushing more directly up on that spot with every stroke now, a good, consistent sort of pressure that had Ardyn’s own cock weeping and twitching in their grip.

Fervently, Gilgamesh worked his cock, hard, quick pulls, twisting his hand at the head and running his thumb over it, intent on getting Ardyn over the edge by any means necessary, overwhelming him with pleasure however Gilgamesh could. Ardyn didn’t have it in him to resist, too caught up in the current of it all, pulled under and drowning in sensations, his moans loud and unabashed. Gilgamesh pressed his face into the side of Ardyn’s neck, nipping and biting as he panted against Ardyn’s skin, his hips snapping up into Ardyn’s tight heat with unprecedented urgency.

Ardyn arched his back and cried out as he came, everything going white for a few long, blissful seconds, his thighs shaking, cock jerking in their combined grasp as he spilled hot over their fingers. He felt himself bear down on Gilgamesh’s cock in several long spasms, Gilgamesh stuttering beneath him, driving up into Ardyn with uneven, rough thrusts as he chased his own release. Evidently he wasn’t far behind, because Ardyn felt him seize up, sinking his cock in as deep as he could go with Ardyn pressed up fully into the wall, legs locked around Gilgamesh’s waist, the cock inside him twitching, followed by the sensation of something _hot_ in him, a shiver running up Ardyn’s spine at the realization that Gilgamesh had just finished inside him.

They stayed like that for a few long minutes, catching their breath, trading shy, quick kisses, Ardyn combing his fingers through Gilgamesh’s hair. With his legs beginning to ache, Ardyn shifted, unwinding them from around Gilgamesh’s waist as Gilgamesh stepped back, keeping his hold on Ardyn with one hand under his ass and the other at his back. Carefully, Ardyn lowered his feet to the ground, finding his footing, Gilgamesh’s softening cock slipping from his body along with a thick dribble of fluid that began to run down Ardyn’s thigh.

Somehow they stumbled to the bed, Gilgamesh arranging himself and pulling Ardyn down on top of him, Ardyn grimacing at the feeling of wetness on his inner thighs. Gilgamesh kept him close, Ardyn draped half on him, his hands boldly roaming from Ardyn’s ass and thighs to up and over his back. Head resting on Gilgamesh’s chest near his shoulder, Ardyn curled one arm close to himself, staring at the ring resting on his finger, the polished bronze gleaming softly in the low light.

“I love you,” Ardyn said, rushed and unprompted, picking his head and shoulders up to almost nervously glance up at Gilgamesh, who tenderly brushed Ardyn’s hair back from his face. “I don’t say it─”

“I love you, too,” Gilgamesh replied, smiling.

Ardyn laid back down, settling in to Gilgamesh’s side, one of Gilgamesh’s broad arms curled against his back. There were no more words between them, just a comfortable silence, and Ardyn closed his eyes, dozing, drifting off to the even tattoo of his husband’s heartbeat.

\---

Gilgamesh insisted they stay an extra day.

Ardyn had woken at dawn, intending to pack and wander down to the horses, about to drag himself from bed when strong arms had pulled him back into bed, Gilgamesh curling alongside his back, nuzzling his face into the side of Ardyn’s neck, lips at his ear. He whispered a reminder that they’d told their party they’d be gone for four to five days, which meant no need to rush back, as this was only the morning of their third. Ardyn had protested, of course, but Gilgamesh had just locked him tighter in his arms, holding him until Ardyn fell back asleep, staring at the ring resting on his finger.

They’d lazed about in the morning, making love before either of them even set foot outside the bed, Gilgamesh straddling Ardyn’s thighs and taking their cocks in hand, leaning down to kiss and tease Ardyn as he worked them, long hair cascading over his shoulders. Afterwards, they’d detangled to clean up and dress, Gilgamesh promising to show Ardyn about the city, insisting that it wouldn’t be proper for him to leave without a tour.

(Not that Ardyn would have objected, really.)

The bulk of the day had been spent meandering about the town, starting inland and working their way out down to the coast. Ardyn saw everything from the temples in the city, magnificent structures of limestone, to the open air market, lined with stalls decorated with brightly colored awnings, down to the fisherman at the wharf, hauling in catches in intricately woven nets with unique knots.

Ardyn had drank it all in, eagerly, savoring how Gilgamesh’s face would light up as he excitedly explained something to Ardyn, from the differences in their worship or to whatever dish an elderly woman in the bazaar was holding out to him or what kinds of fish had been snatched up in those nets. He wished he’d had more time for this, just like back in Calcano, silently promising himself to take an expedition once the Scourge was ended, one where he could leisurely travel with his ever-loyal protector at his side.

At mid-afternoon, Gilgamesh had brought them back to the brothel, Ardyn anticipating that they were done for the day. But instead, Gilgamesh had gone off to the stables, speaking with the boy there, clearly requesting the horses.

“I want to take you somewhere,” Gilgamesh had said as he approached, clearly in anticipation of a question. “It’s someplace I use to go as a child.”

“Certainly,” Ardyn had said.

“It’s a short ride, not far from here,” he continued, as if he still had to sell Ardyn on the idea.

“You know I’d ride across the continent for you, right?” Ardyn reassured him. “This day is ours; I’ll go wherever you like.”

The horses had been retrieved from the stable boy, quickly tacked, and then Ardyn was back in the saddle, flushing a little as he tried to ignore the ache in his legs and backside. Mercifully, the ride was short, just over the bluffs at the south portion of the city, past the last ramparts. They’d rounded one curve in particular just as the sun began to crawl towards the horizon, starting down into what Ardyn would best call a cove, a sheltered strip of beach nestled between the two cliffs.

It was secluded and quiet, pristine, seemingly almost untouched by man, as if Ardyn and Gilgamesh were the first two travellers to accidentally stumble upon this hidden treasure. They’d stopped the horses on the crest of the last hill leading in, one that slipped into a dune before curving down to the beach. Ardyn had dismounted the dun, in awe of it all, staring out down at the waterline.

“Go on,” Gilgamesh said, taking the reins of his dapple. “I’ll hitch them.”

Ardyn had nodded, starting down the hill, feet sinking in the sand as the last bits of firm soil gave way to the soft powder of the dune. He shucked off his sandals as he made his way down the dune, carrying them in one hand as he cleared the foot of the dune and headed down the beach. The sand here was firmer, Ardyn leaving sharp, well defined footprints as he cut down to the waterline. He stopped in the midst of the dark brown sand, saturated by the waves coming in, carefully watching them, calculating where the next one would sweep up to.

Ardyn nearly startled as the first wave rolled over his ankles, sinking him a little deeper into the wet sand, like the beach were threatening to swallow him, very, very slowly, bit by bit with each wave. Ardyn frowned, shifting his weight from foot to foot, sandals slapping against his leg, loosely held in one hand; he had no intentions of being claimed by foreign soil, at least not today, anyway.

The next wave came in, not quite so aggressive as the first, and Ardyn looked up, out at the horizon, looking to where the dark blue grey water met the brilliant orange sky of a desert sunset. Further down the beach the waves crashed violently on a set of rocks, ones that trailed down from the cliff to the north and dotted the beach. To the south there were matching cliffs, foothills, really, with the beach Ardyn stood on little more than a worn down stretch between them, a tiny cove sheltered from the rougher waters.

The shrill warble of a whistle cut through the air, and Ardyn turned, taking a little half step to better watch Gilgamesh cut down the dune from the knoll above where he’d left their horses tied to a tree. He strode smoothly across the beach, the low, burnt glow of the sunset draped about him, bringing a sharp shine to the brass fastenings of his belt and clasps.

They walked together along the beach above the water line, meandering amidst the boulders dotting the shore, taking in the view of the sunset, until Ardyn stopped, folding his arms over his chest, weight cast on one leg. Gilgamesh settled beside him, leaning against one of the nearby boulders, upper body turned slightly to look at the sea.

The ocean looked like glass from up here, Ardyn mused, blue and perfectly smooth, a gold band of sunlight laid down over it. The wind rushed up behind him, stronger here on the beach than it had been on the ride in, shoving Ardyn’s unruly hair further into his face, and Ardyn struggled to push it back.

“It’s beautiful,” Ardyn said, still distracted by the sight.

“Isn’t it?” Gilgamesh smiled, twisting to look over his shoulder, staring at the ocean for a long beat. “Hasn’t changed at all. I hope it never does.”

Ardyn silently watched the waves, musing that past them, somewhere below that horizon, was _home,_ home, at least, for him, as he knew it. How strange to think it was so far, cast out somewhere across the ocean. Out here he felt worlds away, the thought of home nothing more than that, a thought, a fleeting image in his head. His only reality now was Gilgamesh at his side and whatever stood before him. Nothing else seemed to have any permanence, to be real at all.

He inhaled deeply, dropping his shoes in the sand beside the boulder, and started down the slope back towards the waterline, feet cutting sharp little indents in his wake. Ardyn didn’t stop as the first wave rolled over his feet, instead still walking further out, the water rushing up over his ankles, then to mid calf with a large wave. He didn’t bother pulling his robes out of the way, instead letting the waves lap at them as he moved out deeper and deeper, the water up to his knees now.

It was harder to walk like this, but Ardyn kept going, the water creeping up to mid thigh, chilly but not cold enough to deter him. He heard Gilgamesh shout from behind him, back on the shore, but didn’t turn back, continuing further out at his slow pace, hands dipping into the green-gray water at his sides. Only when the water was above his waist, just below his ribs, his robes a wet, billowing mess around him, did he stop, staring out at the sun and the glittering surface of the ocean.

He could keep going, keep walking out, until the water climbed up his chest, up to his face, until he couldn’t keep himself up at the surface any more and he let the waves wash over him, sweep him out and under into the current─

Ardyn was pulled back to reality by the sounds of water churning behind him, Gilgamesh splashing amongst the waves, the water sloshing as he waded out to Ardyn’s position.

“I thought you were going to wander out to sea,” Gilgamesh teased as he approached, but Ardyn could hear the very real underlying concern in his voice.

“I wouldn’t go far,” Ardyn replied. “Never been a fan of swimming.”

He swallowed thickly, sensing Gilgamesh’s worry at his behavior, swishing his hands at his sides in slow circles to distract himself. He could feel the ring around his finger, running his thumb against it, sussing out the texture of the raised ridges of the laurel leaves.

“I don’t want to go back,” Ardyn said.

“Ardyn─”

“I know, I know.” He sighed, shoulders dropping. “But I think about it, I think about staying here, just you and me. Nobody here knows us; we could leave everything else behind, duties, titles, obligations, and just _stay_ out here and _be_ and...” He fell silent, trailing off as a particularly rough wave pushed him slightly. He could feel Gilgamesh’s heavy stare on him, and Ardyn kept his own gaze fixated out on the water at the horizon.

“But I won’t,” he continued, finding his voice after a moment, “because no matter how much I want it, I’ll go back, because I can’t abandon it all, _we_ can’t abandon it all. I can’t turn my back on all of those who need me, who need a cure, I can’t run away with everything that’s going on. But I hate it, I hate that this is all I’m going to get, a secret and a few days of happiness and freedom to... to...”

“It won’t be all you get.”

“You say that with such confidence,” Ardyn teased, trying to hide how thick and wet his voice was.

“I mean it.”

“I know.” Ardyn blinked a few times, tracing a path down the golden slash cut down the water with his stare. “It’s just hard to believe at times.”

He felt a hand at the small of his back, holding him, anchoring him, preventing him from drifting further out and being swept away entirely.

\---

The ring really was splendid.

It wasn’t ornate or ostentatious, but rather composed of clean lines and sharp details, each leaf of laurel neatly defined, the diamond pattern cut on the front all beautifully straight, orderly lines that intersected at perfectly even angles. More importantly, it was simple enough to be something that Ardyn could wear daily without a second look, without anyone really even noticing, allowing him to always carry the tangible reminder of these last few days, of the secret he shared with Gilgamesh.

Ardyn frowned, curling his fingers briefly into a fist, eyes locked on the ring, resting it on one of the horns of his saddle. Beside him, Gilgamesh was still fastening his pack to the back of his dun, running one of the leather belts through a thick bronze buckle and tightening it. It was a little slow going in the quiet hours of dawn, the light still too weak for him to see well enough to tack the horse with ease.

He mounted the dun a second later, reins snugly pulled into one hand, turning the dun to face Ardyn. “Are you ready?”

Ardyn reached down, quickly plucking the ring from where it sat on his left hand, slipping it instead onto his right, into a spot with no implication. When he looked back up, Gilgamesh had a little smirk forming on his lips, watching him intently.

“Lead on,” Ardyn said.

Gilgamesh did, kicking his horse into a trot, and Ardyn turned his dapple to follow him into the darkness of the city and beyond.


End file.
